"Hurry up, Hope, it's time for our quality time. We only have 10 minutes! If we don't start now we are not going to have enough time!"   Have you ever said this to one of your children? I mean, after all, you did set aside the time and that was no easy feat! There are at least a dozen other things you could have been doing at that moment but you alloted the time especially to focus on your daughter. Why isn't she rushing over and quickly pouring out her life to you so that you can move onto the next item on your checklist?   In the busyness of life, it's easy to make time with our children just one more thing that we need to accomplish in the day. However, there's no guarantee that you'll actually get "quality" just because you have alloted a special time to it. Don't get me wrong. It's perfectly fine, good, and respectable to set aside this time but a little bit naive to assume that quality will magically flow out of that time just because we call it "quality time." In this scenario, time is too limited and expectations are too high for it to really be all that we hope and want.    I like to think of our time with our children more in terms of "quantity of time" meaning having lots of time together integrated into the regular routine of their lives. The goal is to give lots of regular one-on-one time for each individual child in which quality will naturally flow instead of putting the expectation on merely one focused time in which quality must happen.   For one child, I make sure that I always drive her to school alone a few times a week giving her my undivided and affirming attention. For another daughter, I sit alone with her after school to debrief her day until she is out of words (remember girls have 14,000 to use up) and I still give her a teenager tuck-in at night. For another daughter, I drive her to allergy shots and violin lessons and use waiting time to connect about her hopes and dreams. Finally, for my last daughter, we do laps in the neighborhood while waiting for a sibling at a flute lesson while discussing the antics on the elementary school playground.   I never know when those golden moments are going to come but when they do I sure am glad that I was there. Some of the time, it may just seem uneventful or unmemorable, but my hope is that each of my children know they can count on me to be there and to be there often to catch quality left and right whenever and however it comes. And there is alot to be said for just the time together even in silence.   Be there for your kids and be there alot. Go for "quantity" and out of it will surely come "quality." Let's plan on this together! Enjoy!

Here are a few tips to begin the school year with a good system that will hopefully help to manage the mountains of paper/projects that flow through your house:

1. Take pictures of cute crafts and then put on a display shelf for a month. At the end of the month, let your child decide which can be replaced with new arrivals.

2. Take video of your child talking about projects and showing different angles. Have them talk about the process of putting together a diorama from beginning to end and then take a snapshot for the scrapbook. Display project for a week and then make room for new ones.

3. Take a picture of your child holding several papers or projects and save for the scrapbook.

4. Have a drawer for each child for all the corrected work that comes home. At the end of the week, sort through and make space for the new.

and finally...

5. Use the circular (wink) file after your child goes to bed.

Hope came home from school after the first day of school upset about what happened on the playground at second recess. She reported that one friend wanted to send a message to another friend and she was the messenger. Then, the second friend got upset at Hope because she delivered the message but didn't realize the message was from another friend and not Hope. Hope ended up being upset because then her feelings were hurt. Did you follow that?

For some reason, my other two daughters never reported many problems on the playground so this is all new to me! I think perhaps they just stayed clear of conflicts but my youngest always seem to be in the middle of it all. She's either caught between two friends who are at odds or struggling to keep her healthy boundaries while still maintaining friendship. Some of the things she reports are so complicated that it takes me a few days to digest and come up with something helpful to offer. As difficult as it is, I have learned to accept that these playground trials are going to be a part of Hope's life and I'd better get more skilled at handling them!

So, getting back to the original story, I sat down to talk to Hope about her situation and she said that her daddy had already talked to her about it and that she knew what to do if that situation ever happened again. So curious as to this advice, I inquired and she informed me that next time someone asks her to deliver a message she will say, "Oh, sorry I can't do that but I'll go with you if you want." 

Impressive! She is going to set boundaries and yet remain a friend in a way that doesn't compromise her values. I know it will be difficult for her to follow through on this plan but just the fact that she is willing and open is encouraging.