Keep the Q & A’s coming everyone! If you have a question, most likely someone else will be wondering the exact same thing and will value from having you asked! Come to www.mothersfriendsos.com and email Suzy to submit your burning questions.
This month we have a collection of the most commonly asked questions regarding getting organized and children’s sleep and food issues.
Q: “My mind is constantly racing with thoughts of all the millions of things I need to do. Certain little details always get lost: repacking the diaper bag after having used the spare set of clothing, remembering that I've used the last ziploc and need to restock, and remembering to give my daughter a very important note for her teacher. Do you have any tips to help manage some of these details?"
A: Ah, yes, so many details. I find that building in little automatic reminders for myself or going the whole nine yards with a task can help to take care of these duties that can be overwhelming if left to wander around in your head. For the set of clothing that you use in the diaper bag, try this: secure the extra set together with a rubber band and after you use them, put the rubber band on your wrist so that when you see it at home you will hopefully remember to get another set to put in the bag. Or put the last ziploc from a box in your reusable Target bag so that when you are there next and see the ziploc in the bag, you will remember you need to restock. And, when you need to fill out a doctor’s form or write a note to someone, don't fill it out halfway and leave it on the coffee table where you will not see it in the morning. Take the full 5 minutes it takes to complete it and go the whole nine yards to mail it or deliver it immediately. It always seems like it would take longer to finish such tasks but really if you figure in the time it would have taken to frantically look for a lost note when you really need it, the former option is much more efficient and desirable.
Q: "I am so tired of repeating myself when it comes to giving my children instructions. Do you have any ideas on how to get their attention and therefore their cooperation in creative ways?"
A: This is very interesting. It really works! Even for non-readers. So, here's the idea: Use notes to communicate to your children. Especially when you have a situation where your child is just not responding and you find yourself erroring on the nagging side. For
instance, my girls were constantly forgetting to use quiet voices in one particular part of the house where sleeping babies could be woken. I decided to post a reminder reading, "Shh...sleeping babies..." on a door leading to the area that they should avoid. I was amazed at the results. Just from using this simple note, I did not have to remind
them to be quiet any longer. What's more, I realized that they really didn't intend to be noisy, they just kept forgetting and the note helped to keep them on track. The first day I posted the sign, my little three-year-old saw it and asked her older sister what it said.
It really caught her attention and she knew right away that it was important to read. (It was BIG and red and looked important.) Later, I saw her moving her chubby little finger across each word and in the quietest whisper you'd ever heard, saying, "Be quiet. Baby sleeping."
Q: “My child wakes at 5am with the sun every morning? Is there a way to get him to sleep in longer?
A: This is a very common problem you describe. It is often difficult for children to fall back asleep after waking with the sun. As children mature, however, often times they learn to sleep past these initial stirring early in the morning and wake at a more agreeable hour. In the meantime, here are a couple suggestions to help the process along:
1. Limit liquids after dinnertime. Keep your children well hydrated during the day but encourage them to finish all their drinking at their last meal of the day. That means no huge cups of water after brushing their teeth or after being tucked into bed!
2. Waken your child to use the restroom around 10-11pm before you head off to bed. Eventually you might find it becomes and routine and they will naturally wake to take care of their needs on their own.
Question: Do you have any tips on how to motivate my children to clean up after themselves without nagging?
Answer: Try the simple technique of describing situations rather than giving direct instruction. Not only does it make the delivery more neutral, it draws more attention to the situation and it’s need for correction rather than the person and their discretion. For example, instead of saying “Pick up those toys; put them in their cubbies and I mean it,” simply say, “Toys belong in their cubbies.” Or instead of “You always leave wet towels on the ground. Pick it up and put it in the hamper now,” try “Dirty towels belong in the hamper.”
Another simple trick is the use of notes. It’s amazing how children respond to this. For instance, when I put a label (“color” and “whites”) above each hamper basket, it’s amazing how magically everything got sorted without my ever having to mention it verbally again.
Q: My three-year-old son is waking every night about 2 hours after we put him down for the night. He’s kicking and screaming and seems so angry and upset. He even gets sweaty from all the crying. We try to hold him and console him but that only seems to make him angrier. What can we do?
A: From what you describe, your child seems to be having night terrors. Many parents confuse this for nightmares but the manner in which you handle both is very different. What you’d normally do for a child having a nightmare (talk to, console, hug) is not helpful for a child having a night terror. In fact, it hinders the entire process of getting over a night terror. Instead, a child having a night terror needs space and time to work through the episode on their own. Don’t try to wake your child, but remain calm and wait it out. In just 10-15 minutes, your child will calm down and go back to sleep and not even remember what happened in the morning.
Q: "When is my child old enough to discipline? I'm afraid he doesn't understand enough to learn to follow directions or know what is right or wrong."
A: Children are amazing. Most of the time, they know much more than we give them credit for. They also understand things sooner and in deeper ways than we usually know. Starting for children as young as a few months old, I recommend talking to them about everything: explaining why you are doing things, how things work in the world, and what is acceptable and not acceptable to do. It doesn't have to be very complicated. Something as simple as saying, "Oh, lamps are not for touching. But, this is okay to touch," can begin communicating consistent limits in gentle but firm ways. A great place to begin to
set limits is the high chair. Food goes in the mouth, not the hair. Things like that. You'd be amazed at how even the smallest child can rise to high expectations in this area.
Q : "My 18-month-old daughter was sleeping through the night prior to her teeth erupting but she began waking in the middle of the night due to teething pain. Now that her teeth are in, I don't know why she is still waking at night. Please help!"
A: A body is a funny thing. We are creatures of habit. If you wake at 3 a.m. for a few nights in a row and receive soothing and maybe even a nice warm bottle because that is the only thing that soothes that 'ol achy tooth, then the mid night waking can be a hard habit to break even when that tooth isn't so achy anymore. Rest assured, however, that going back to the old routine of sleeping soundly all night can be rediscovered again within a few days. Assure your child before bedtime (they understand MUCH more than we give them credit for!) by explaining to them how you will see them in the morning. Tell them daddy, mommy, brother, and sister are all in bed too and that we will see everyone in the morning when the sun comes up. Explain to them it's okay to wake up but then to hug their bear really tight and go back to sleep. Tell them you won't be coming into the room anymore until morning but that you still love them and will look forward to seeing their bright face again in the morning. Then, do your best to allow your child to soothe themselves back to sleep with no intervention if and when they wake in the middle of the night. The first night will be the hardest but by the third night most have easily gone back to their good old ways and welcome an uninterrupted full night's rest.
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